To be or not to be... contented.

It seems that my life is slowly coming to an uncomfortable standstill filled with... get this.. 'contentment'. Great. I know it is. But what is it about humans to question every good thing that fall onto their laps and view it with suspicion rather than bring out the champagne and crackers in celebration? I think it is the unfortunate effects of "this is too good to be true", "this can't be happening to me" and of course, to avoid the "boy do i feel stupid" aftermath when you find the so-called good thing lying on your lap, turns out to be a real ugly toad. Ok. Perhaps it is only me, the perpetual pessimistic optimist (or was it the other way round again? i forgot).

I am entering a rare sense of stability in my life these days. Work is stable. Family is stable. Relationship is stable. Friendship is stable. Cat and dog are stable. Hell, it would be highly unlikely that nothing is stable. In fact, all the cheering for my good fortune has left me rather hoarse (ooo Horse! geddit? geddit? nahhh... forgeddit...). So what the heck am i complaining about? Nothing really. I am happy. Contented. Blissful. In fact, nothing really bugs me... except perhaps this tiny itsy bitsy nagging voice at the back of my head going "geez, that big rock from the sky should fall about right... now?". I guess, the more good things i have, the more i wonder when the axe is gonna fall because life ain't suppose to be good... not for long anyway.

Sad, eh?

Not that i am taking that little voice very seriously. I still live a fulfilling and interesting life despite it being there. It is just the fact that it is there sometimes boggles my mind. Perhaps i am not accustomed to having good things happening to me. If so, that still doesn't explain why the heck do i feel so surprise when BAD things happen to me. Right? After all, i have been expecting terrible things to happen (most of the time) right? That's me. Miss Hard-to-please.

So where does that leave us? I meant me? Pretty much nothing except a rather contented life with a wiggle of doubt nudged in between one good thing and the next. I can live with that. I always had.